I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
