Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
