he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
