Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
