I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
