remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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