I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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