my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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