This is not my ceiling
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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