a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
