I think I died a long time ago.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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