dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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