this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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