My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is Oprah even human
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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