He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Houston, we have a blender
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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