I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize