So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
