I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
