he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
