Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
