are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize