I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
