Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
