Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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