He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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