Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
