We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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