Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
