what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
