he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
