Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
