I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
