be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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