Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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