I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
