You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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