I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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