wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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