Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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