You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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