ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
