oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
