I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
