her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
