I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
