remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Alive.
So much puke
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
