Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
