My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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