I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
