In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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