You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
