Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
