Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize