Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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