Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.