I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?