Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.