who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
