I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz