Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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