I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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