i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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