hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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