Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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