I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
