My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
